Ego

There's a lot of things I want to say. There's a lot of things I need to say. There's a lot of things I should not say. I projected last night; I was gliding in a black void; space?; I had no worries, I was happy just gliding, observing, and noticing an occasional light here and there. I had no idea where I was going but I knew how to get there. I knew at one point I would have to go back and it bothered me...my ego I have come to realize is humongous. I am stubborn, complicated, impatient, a know it all, distant, and a bit cold but only to a certain extent now a days.

My daughter has changed me a lot; she is my reason for everything. She has a piece of me with her. I see some of my energy in her and it makes me happy. It fills me with wonder and amazement. My daughter is a big part of my life's purpose...without her I would have gone down a much more complex path and I am glad I steered off of it.

My life has slowed down and only because I am appreciating it more. I was once told I should have been a lot more appreciated of what I had at the moment. I was shocked by such an accusation and being true to my ego I flipped it and asked where my appreciation was. I realize now I should have been a bit more considerate of others at the time. But yet the way I see it is things happen the way they do for a reason, I had to learn appreciation, loyalty, honesty, and being self sufficient...you see before my daughter the only thing that matter was MYSELF.

Now, I gotta take care of myself in order to see my daughter have a beautiful life. I want to see her grow in a world full of love and respect. I am changing and I like the person I am becoming; I believe my daughter does as well. I want her to be proud to say I am her mom, her opinion of me matters so much...I have pushed my ego to side but in order to fully change I gotta face it head on...

I have to admit I don't like what I have remembered..it makes me wonder if I fucked up a long the way but my soul sister assures me I did not; it wasn't the right time. To remember everything happens for a reason, I have no control, to trust & believe, and most importantly just flow. So, everyday I wake up thinking to myself, just be...I do my best and it works. I find myself surrounding myself with more like minded people, they up lift me without even knowing. In my times of doubt I get signs from certain people and it snaps me back into place.

Yes, life is a roller coaster ride but only for awhile. You see once you decide to come off the ride, you will notice a Ferris wheel brightly light. The line isn't long and there's only a few passengers on...there's no screaming or loud music...its peaceful and calming...the view would be speculator from atop...enjoy the ride...for there is no other like it